We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
