I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize