i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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