if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
