Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
