the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
