i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am mentally ready for anal.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
