Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
