The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
