"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
