the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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