Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
