By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
