is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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