just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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