She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
