watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
