pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
