just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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