Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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