True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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