i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
