It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
