this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
