i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
