I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
