U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
