I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
