how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
