I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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