Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
