I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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