If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
