beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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