Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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