i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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