i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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