He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
