Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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