im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
then he tried to convert me to islam
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
