she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
