She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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