When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
