is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
