That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
