Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
