so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
