I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
