he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
