I'll bet she douches with gravy.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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