I just threw up on my dentist
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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