I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I intend to get homeless drunk
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
