Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
