i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
