Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
