when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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