So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Duck Duck Cougar?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
