imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
