I accidentally had phone sex last night
no, he came in my armpit
thus making me awesome and them whores
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
