she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
