eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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