How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
